She Says I’m Special:

For about 6 months I hung out with this gorgeous, smart, and funny girl. I slipped into the friend zone but thought I was working my way out. She would call me up and in that sweet voice say “Want to go to the movies big boy?” followed by this giggle that could calm the spirits of the most restless souls. I met her friends, family, and even co workers. Everyone was always so nice to me and I loved being with her. She made me feel important, worth something, and best of all I had all her attention. Yeah, I did weird things that could have spoiled it such as she caught me checking out her bubbled bottom a couple times and another time she saw me smelling the pillow she was using but she usually never said a word. She occasionally would called me a “bad boy” with pouty lips and daggered eye brows, every time being more cute then the previous. Sometimes she would come over and we would watch a movie together. She would curl up close to me, I could smell her breath, which was always minty, and tell me how special I was. In time I learned she thought I was retarded. It’s a lot for a man to learn that when he is being himself, he is basically a retard. I was too special.

– 10/07/2010 Rob Kettle –

Everything looks so yum. I think I’ll resort to this whenever I don’t know what I want to make for dinner. And if I’m not in the mood for something healthy…because these are not.